When I saw the date at work this morning, I exclaimed, “wow it’s already mid-August!?” to my colleague, then followed up with, “Thank God, I’m over summer.” I told a friend I was over summer a few days ago too, saying that I’m not a summer person at all. It’s a different tune than the one I sing in March and April, which is shouts and cries of excitement that the sun is coming out… View Post

I grieve my childhood in bits and pieces.  It comes in flashbacks — at the sight of a beaten-up Harry Potter paperback. Or when I see an eight-year-old laugh or mock or sulk, remembering how it felt to be eight, beginning to grapple with the fact that everyone eventually dies from old age, yet age remained an unattainable construct. Old age was something that could never happen to me, at eight. (In a way, twenty-one is… View Post

I want to paint gold stars on my bedroom walls. I painted them a dark navy when I moved into my new apartment in June. They had been gray. Or was it cream? I wanted them navy. I thought I wanted them to be white, like every apartment vision board algorithmically calculated for a young woman in her 20s told me I did, but then I saw a photo on Pinterest of deep navy walls… View Post

My anxiety is like a… Bull. Some days, I ride the bull flawlessly, like some Western bull-riding celebrity I’ll never be able to name because bull-riding celebrities don’t become famous in Buffalo, N.Y. I grip on, face every challenge like an expert and even find enjoyable exhilaration in the journey. That can’t be what riding a bull is like most of the time, though, and neither is that what anxiety is usually like for me.… View Post

It’s winter (when it’s not so hot out). It’s winter (when there isn’t so much to do). I’ve had a couple more cups of coffee. I’ve finished reading this book. I’ve eaten. I feel like it. I have time (in the rare form of 12 completely free hours). It’s morning. I’ve awoken from a nap. I have more money. I feel better. Summer ends. *Write that book. Reach out to that person. Research that degree.… View Post